Boy he looked grim. I thought he was dead for sure when the trebuchet shot the tower of dragonstone he was fighting on. Then again, he never should have climbed that tower. I am pretty sure those Targaryen bastards were there waiting for us. Low and behold, he somehow survived. I saw Ser Darron with about 12 cross bow bolts ticking out of him charging accross the rampart with Jardon over his shoulder. What a sight that was! Very heroic. I didn't expect that one to risk his life to save one of us.
I knew someone had to clear a path, so I went about doing what I do best; pretending I am on the other side and barking orders at scrubs. I snuck up behind the north east tower guards and ordered them to get to the front gate. They were super startled and hustled off without complaint. One deaf crossbowmen didn't listen to me (or notice me for that matter) so I snuck up on him and gave him the ole bonky-bonky and knocked him out cold. I then dressed myself as a Targaryen crossbowman and set about finding the royal chambers.
Well I guessed the wrong tower, or perhaps didn't listen to Stannis very well. I am not 100% sure, but it didn't matter too much. I just yelled at the other troops to get moving and they got out of my way. It was a bit of a trick to keep my shield hidden what with the baby blue and all, so eventually I pretended I killed myself and took it as a trophy. The lowly crossbowmen slaying a knight and taking his shield would be something of a legend to these simpletons me thinks.
Eventually, we made it to the royal chambers. There were not too many guards, but I imagined there would be plenty of loot. And so, while my compadres tried to finish the mission, I set about looting! What a haul; I got 10 dragons, some wooden armor, Targaryen noble garb, and a shiny new battle axe! I did hear some commotion from the others, and I tried to go help, I swear I did, but Jardon blocked the door from me. It all worked out in the end. They fought a mighty knight without me and I made out like a bandit. I didn't take so much as a scratch the entire battle, and they both were quite bloody. Luckily, we all look like heroes.
Unfortunately, as we left the castle we came back upon our comrades whom we left on the lower level to fight off the guards. Maelys looked even more speechless than usual, and Perrin was beside himself weeping. Our dear friend Ser Samwell Stone had fallen during the battle.