I never would’ve imagined a place so cold, so damp, and with such foul creatures as to make me long for the Fingers. Well now I can say it exists! I’ve seen it! It’s called the North! And how happy Ole Darron is to be leaving!

Don’t even mind that it cost us nearly every dragon in our purses. Better penniless south of the neck than spend one more day with that Cotter Pike cunt and his chaste band! Say, maybe that’s why they’re in such a bad mood? Those ravens could probably use a lay! Ho Ho!

Speaking of which; there was one fair creature in the north at least. A fierce wildling number from beyond the wall! She was kissed by fire and had skin like milk. You’ve never seen such a woman. Yeah, she took a liking to me (if you know what I mean) and talked her way onto our boat. Since when would I turn down an offer like that? We dropped her off eventually and that's fine by me. 

I suppose I should mention the sword from the cave. It’s a good one. Sharp as a razor and light too. Is it valyrian? Hell if I know. Do I look like a smith? I’ll show it to Thaddeus. He’s smart in those ways.

I’ve been thinking on it’s name. Was weighing “Darkness” but now that we’re looking to survive this little adventure that’s sounding a bit too… dark. How about… Lynderly’s Bane?… Farmer’s Menace?… Eye Poker? Ho Ho Ho! Eye Poker!