Ya see, the Paps is essentially the closest point in Westeros to Braavos. And ya know what else is in Braavos? One – ships, two – sellswords, and three – probably a Targaryen or two. Now I know what they’re saying: “Robert Baratheon took his big ole hammer and squashed out the last of the dragons like a toad under a wagon wheel” and yeah, that’s sort of true, but here’s the thing about claims to thrones, now don’t tell your parents I’m saying this on account of it being kind of crude and that you’re their heir but I believe you need to see the reality of the situation. The thing about claims to thrones is that they’re like dicks – half of everyone has one, just most don’t go waving them around all over. You know? Take this for example: have you ever heard of the nine penny kings war? Did the Maester ever tell you what that was about? Well forget what you heard cause Ser Darron was there. Yeah, I was pretty green back then – didn’t know a mace from a mellon – but I had a horse and a spear and was ready to fight this Blackfyre pretender myself; more like march around getting sunburnt for two years. Never really did see much action, but I learned how to say “Your mother wrestles bears in Tarth” in two languages – three if you count Dornish. My point is that there was a whole separate family of Targaryans. Bastards sure, but that didn’t stop ‘em from trying to get that throne and there’s probably a thousand more bastards out there just the same. So what do they do? Go buy some sellswords and invade the Paps. Now you’re getting it. Sure, it’s a dinky little island, but Targaryens love that kind of thing for some reason. You’ve heard of Dragonstone, right? Lost some good men rooting those cunts out of there. It basically came down to me at the end, you know. Now I don’t want credit for it, but I’m sure you’ve heard the songs, I was there against Ser Alyn – a knight in the real old style – size of the front half of a horse and they say he hardly speaks. But he looks at me and says “Ser Darron, we meet at last” then flips his visor down. I draw my blade and it’s unforgettable single combat. Me and him trading blows. Jardon firing bolts into his back. cling! klang! I fake high but go low and it’s over. The point is there’s a reason they didn’t call it Dragonland. It’s a dinky little island too like the paps. So, my reckoning is that they invade here and hope nobody notices which is pretty reasonable because, have you seen the place? Ho Ho Ho! But really, M’lord they invade here and maybe build a castle and it’s called a foothold in warfare which is a piece of land where you start your invasion. That’s what Maelys Blackfyre was trying to do in the stepstones is establish a foothold. Or could be a toehold which is the military term for a smaller foothold. You see I’ve been educated too, OK sure I can’t write letters or name six types of soups, but a true knight knows a thing or two. And my prediction is that they’ll start dressing like Eleshams and coming over to the fingers and before you know it the Vale is going to be full of swordsmen right under the nose of Lord Arryn. Problem for them is that they don’t know that we know that there are two sure fire ways to spot a Braavosi The first is that they always use skinny swords because the ones that we got are too heavy for em and the second – and Tito taught me this, may he rest in peace – now don’t tell your parents I said this either but the second is that they absolutely can not resi….
…you’re right M’lord that is the Rambis! I nearly missed it. Let’s ride in haste! I hope Dollins made it back.