The Council said That I would be done
But I with a chuckle replied
That “maybe I would be” but not if I run
Who wouldn’t give it a try
I knocked my arrow with the trace of a grin
My emotions I will not deny
Perhaps I will sing as I tackle this thing
I let it loose, oh my arrow did fly!

Darron grunts as he pulls on his boots and laces them up

There was an old knight back home in the Reach – Ser Barrish Bole – past his prime even when I was a squire, but wisest man I ever met. He used to have this saying that he’d tell me whenever he caught me with a scowl.

“Darron! A man should thank the Seven everyday that he wakes up with a chicken in his hand and a goat in his heart!”

It always cheered me up. Not a fucking clue what he meant, of course. But as I’ve grown older I think about it more and more.

Darron stands up quickly and buckles his belt. He leaves his sword and scabbard lying on the table

Maybe what Ole’ Ser Barrish was sayin’ is that when life hands you sunny days, just be content to wear out your boots going between the soup shop and the tavern. Don’t go pointing fingers at friends and don’t go tryin’ to kill dogs.

Darron wraps a cloak around his shoulders and sighs

These fucking kids have a lot to learn.

He strides out into the night

Man I should be better at starting fires. I live in the fucking woods. Oh well. Either way, chaos is being sewn. The lannisters sending raiders to our treasury, trying to burn it down and locking up random people? That will surely keep people busy while I try and get word to Ronnel to come back to Snownook. He is a just Lord that can be reasoned with, I fear the lordling is not nearly so capable and may not be the most judicious in present matters. With disctraction #1 running, it is time to get word to Ronnel. Then, more chaos to keep people busy until he returns. It is time for some things to go missing from the castle.

Now, this is a story all about how
My life got flipped-turned upside down
And I’d like to take a minute
Just one short speech
I’ll tell you how I was unfairly separated from my family in the Reach

In South Westeros born and raised
In the tiltyard was where I spent most of my days
Chillin’ out, maxin’, relaxin’, all gallant
And all swingin’ some longsword showin’ my talent
When a couple of jewels that were pretty rare
One night just disappeared into thin air
The Lord needed a scapegoat and I was nearby
He said, “You’re losing your head if we catch you alive!”

They weren’t jokin’ around so ole Darron conceded
Rolled Stealth bonus Sneak and just barely succeeded
Not usually the kind to get scared and turn tail
But I thought “Nah, forget it, yo, horse to The Vale!”
I pulled up to Snownook at the break of daylight
And I yelled to Lord Jasper, “Yo holmes, need a Knight?”
I looked at my kingdom
It would have to do
And I swore on that day to bring my family here too

Any tourney is a big event you know. The crowds of highborn and smallfolk make it just as exhilarating as actual combat. In fact, it’s even better since they make the archers shoot at hay bales and true knights are allowed to duel properly; sword to sword.

This tourney is extra important since the winner will be granted an appeal to Lord Arryn. He’s the Hand of the King with all the powers of Big Rob himself! The hand can grant any wish if the winning knight is worthy. I have a great request of him so must not only win, but win with valor!

What better way to prove myself than challenging Ser Mandon of the Kingsguard. No fighter has yet taken arms against him today. To duel him would draw attention, to defeat him would.… Will… Will!… Wine! Pay attention! I’m teaching here!

Now… to defeat Ser Mandon would be tricky… However, Ole’ Ser Darron knows something the others don’t, or at least don’t realize.

Of course, it’s a gamble. I’ll probably be bleeding all over the maesters before midday, but I believe this old knight has a chance. In a knight’s life, you see, there are times for moderation and times for boldness. I reckon the moment calls for recklessness. Now, fetch me my pants.

Darron: I wish the others would return. Sure hope they’re alright.

Shaymus: I just wish we had some food, but this is no time to go looking for it. Not with those riders scouting the area.

Darron: Well, we could always eat her horse while she’s away (gestures at Summer)

Summer: (Stares glassy-eyed into space.)

Shaymus: Ho Ho! Darron, what a good joke! However it is WIDELY known that you LOVE HORSES and would be DISTRAUGHT if HARM were to befall that animal!

Darron: It is true. There’s only one thing in the Seven Kingdoms I care for more than horses and that’s…

Shaymus: Why a SQUIRE, of course. Your trait of being stern with BUT DEEP DOWN INCREDIBLY KIND TO your SQUIRES continues to this day.

Darron: Well, I was going to say A FRIEND, but YES I am INCREDIBLY HEARTBROKEN that my DEAR Thomas fell to the Ironborn. It was only my recently acquired DEEP-SEATED FEAR of the Ironborn following my own NEAR-DEATH WHILE SAVING DOLLINS that prevented me from pursuing his murderers. However, I did DONATE a SIGNIFICANT sum of GOLD to an ORPHANAGE in Oldtown in the hopes that it may ease the suffering of some other children.

Shaymus: Wow, Darron. You truly are a GREAT GUY. I know you’re telling the truth because you are an HONORABLE KNIGHT and would only ever lie in the most DIRE of CIRCUMSTANCES when it is NECESSARY to PROTECT your FRIENDS.

Darron: It is true. I lied about the sword because I see the Jasparians as FAMILY and wish to see NO more BLOODSHED in the name of that piece of metal. The TRUE PRICELESS ARTIFACTS are the RELATIONSHIPS WE’VE FORGED ALONG THE WAY.

Shaymus: You are without question the MOST NOBLE KNIGHT in the Seven Kingdoms and I would be honored to buy you SIX PINTS of Bandallon Ale next time we happen across a tavern.

Summer: (Still warging, but most likely agrees.)

So our lordling has decided we are to “Rescue” Dolins (dead) and Thomas (good as dead) from the Ironborn. Just great, a fight against insurmountable odds AND A trip on the open Seas. With us as good as dead I might as well make provisions for myself. This pirate base will have a season’s worth of booty, and I cannot imagine my companions making anything less than a ruckus. That should provide the perfect diversion for me to steal the treasure, and leave this forsaken island alive. I will miss these friends, but with as much wealth as the Ironborn should have… I am sure I can buy new ones.

Ho! Ho! I’ve cracked that Ezzelina.

She thinks she’s so subtle – talking about her vague “business affairs” – but she’s dropped one-too-many hints on Ol’ Darron and I’ve figured out exactly what kind of “business” she’s running.

It’s clear now why she has no shortage of coin..
Why she prowles the lawless reaches of Dorn…
Why she’s constantly sizing up the Jasper men….

She’s obviously trying to recruit a company of sellswords!

Now, judging by how she carries herself this doesn’t seem to be her first tourney – so to speak – and my hunch is she’s had men before. Perhaps thousands by the look of her coin purse.

Free companies are a rarity in Westeros, so she must’ve sailed from Essos. They probably got into trouble over there, or else in the stepstones same as us. Now she’s raising some new band to settle a score or find new riches.

But, will I accept? Imagine it.. The legendary Ser Darron, Sword of Snownook, Officer in EZ Company! Slaying any foe that dares resist. I’ll have one horse for me and two more for my gold. The smallfolk would certainly write songs about me then!

Hmm. I do owe a great debt to Ronnel. I wish he paid me better…

Ideas to get a horse off a ship:

Teddy’s big plank (doesn’t exist)
Tip Rambis (“bad idea”)
Tie rope around horse and lower down (RIP Lucky)
Yardarms? (too hard)
Pile sand next to the ship to use as a ramp (lots of work)
Use the Maester?
Build a gangway using large tree (no large trees)
Stand below to catch horses (dangerous?)
Catch horse with blanket?
Tell Carsen that someone on shore is looking to buy horses?
Beach a second shorter ship beside the Rambis
Can Summer turn horse into a dog?
Sail Rambis back to sea. Float horses off as she sinks (clever)
Wait for foals. (too much time)
Teddy can command horse to leave?
Cut hole in the ship (worked!)

Leave no man behind! That’s part of the knight’s code you know!
Have I ever broken the knight’s code? Sure! A time or two! Who hasn’t?
Have I ever left a man behind though? No, Never!
Well, perhaps it’s happened once or twice. But I’ve never abandoned a fellow knight!.. Certainly not recently!

Ol’ Dolins is probably the only one of us that everyone likes so I can only assume my friends just don’t realize the danger he’s in. Personally, I know a lot about those Ironborn. Sick bunch. They’re probably going to eat him.

It was hard to watch that longship escape while Thaddeus steered towards the coast. I swear I shall not sleep until his bones have been laid to rest next to his wife, Mrs… hmmm… That’s strange. I don’t think he ever told me his last name… I thought we were friends.

Do the others know his last name?

I’m going to be upset if Gregoriy does and I don’t.

Drinking song overheard at the tavern:

Oh… I’ve been to Sunspear, been to Pyke / The wine was weak. I took a hike
In King’s Landing the taverns were dead / I asked Rob why? I lost my head
East to Braavos, South to Myr / But they couldn’t brew a hearty beer
Oh where is there a bar for me?
Down in Gulltown at Buffoon’s III!

So grab your swords and grab your forks / Tap the casks and pop the corks
Fill the flagons, drink ‘em dry / Poke a Shett man in the eye
The women fierce, the ale strong / The bards will sing a thousand songs
Ho Ho I’ve found the bar for me
Down in Gulltown it’s Buffoon’s III!

In Norvoshi……

Lord Teddy Actinistead was most gracious to our predicament being here without a way back, we shall celebrate with Norvoshi Dabragh! A declicacy in Norvos and a soup meant for a feast in celebration in honor of the graciousness of Norvshi God’s Name. We are most excited to serve our hosts in whatever capacity is needed, hopefully to further honor the Joyful Few.

It is with this wonderful news that we must set out for the mountains. It feels like home almost immediately. I look to Yuri, who feels it as well. Kiril is also at home, he seems to know why his compatriots stayed here for so long.

This must be another point like the caves of the Darkwash River, another point to draw upon for communication with Norvshi God’s Name. It must be, especially with the young one, Summer. There must be something in these hills feeding her ability to do this. Yuri had mentioned he had seen this before, in his cousin, but it was into crows, and birds of the like (although he was unable to find the correct words, I am still indebted to my teacher for showing me not only the miracles of the darkwash river , but for teaching me the language of the westerosi). A truly unique ability to be in control of a such a protective animal, an asset to this group to be sure. She may come in handy later for her ability to coax animals……

All that aside though, I think we will fit in well here, even with our expedition to find Tara……targorn……taragony……..ach…….Norvoshi word for Taragon, I see Yuri continuing to make friends, not just with Summer, but with Darrone as well. I see Yuri put a hand on Darrone in friendship as they pick herbs together. What a beautiful moment! All Praise Norvoshi God’s Name!!!!

In Norvoshi…..

It is with great sadness that I must lament my Brother Viktor’s passing. I am quite certain that they acted in the greatest of valor in the name of our god, This part is indiscernibly written, it is in a version of Norvoshi that a scholar could possibly derive its voice and meaning, but to even most Norvoshi they are not able to make out. One who has skill in reading Norvoshi or Old Valyrian might have some skill in knowing what the name of the Norvoshi god is, but other than that, not so much

The one they call Darone and the one they call Carsyn have assured me of this, and I believe them to be sincere, although I will have to confer with Norvoshi God Name later to see if they are true of heart.

Yuri is skeptical, but he always is, especially of the young one. Yuri is far displaced from the cynicism of the young, he does not understand a younger adolescent’s need for attention. She is rather intriguing from my point of view, there is something more to her…..

Although we have lost such great Norvoshi Warriors, and potential converts, at the hand of this Westorosi lord, or “lord actininistead” (which I suppose is the name of the leader speaking to me today), there is something intriguing about these people. Maybe not to join our group, but maybe to aide us in our endeavor. Perhaps it is why Viktor and Tito decided to stick around so long. I am not sure on how to place it, but perhaps Norvoshi God’s Name will reveal his secrets to me on why we are here. Perhaps it is these mountains that surround us that remind me of the Norvoshi Hills……

For now, we will rest, and hopefully get Vesna to speak better in their language. I am forever in debt to Vesna, but her common tongue is less than diplomatic despite her insistence to speak for me……..Norvoshi God’s Name help her.

My lord, I’ve taken the liberty to plan the raid out in detail. Be careful with this document. We can’t risk the wrong eyes seeing it.

Ser Dollins’s gift of such a fine lance has warmed this knight’s cold heart. I liked him from the first time I heard his skill on that stringed contrivance you know. A proper tune from the bard could make a man forget his cares for a good while and put the ladies in a state too.
I’ve since learned he’s quick with a blade and bold as a bear when put to it. A righteous man if I’ve ever seen one and I rather like slaying foes aside such a fellow.
Sure he’s a little old to have gotten the shoulder taps but hell, if I’m being honest, I’m no spring chicken myself. I suppose there’s something to be said for a little experience though. The years give more than they take, so to say.
These whippersnappers make a good show of things but when steel comes out, give me a seasoned man, I say. Two against one before it’s a fair fight, if you’re talking a veteran who’s kept up on his training.
In fact, men like Ser Dollins, Ser Cedric, Barristan the Bold, and myself have a kind of mettle they don’t make anymore. If pressed, the four of us side by side could keep a small army of young swordsmen at bay.
All the better because it’s good odds that we need to protect the little lord before we see the outside of Heart’s Home. Thaddeus has proposed to surgery upon Lyn Corbray. I’m not sure what that is exactly, but the Maester speaks with little confidence in himself. In any case, a blade is to be used so it’s my guess (not that I’d tell Thad) it’s my guess that Lyn is going to die.
I hope he doesn’t – for our sake – but at least there’ll be one less cunt in the world.

The last few days have gone by in a fog. First was the kraken. It took Carsen and Jardon into the water and strangled Georgie. Jardon was saved by Dolins although he is a leg short now. Carsen came back unharmed somehow. Then after that, was some odd events on the ship while I tended to Jardon. Rusty came to see us and talked with Carsen, Calaila and I. He had heard we had dragon eggs and the drunk Jardon informed him we had not just one, but three. This for some reason really upset Calaila who took off to find Teddy as they were all off to see the Elishams. Carsen stated she shouldn’t go alone and even through her protests and not kind behavior, he carried on and went with her.

Later in the day, Carsen came back and stated Calaila had told him to go away and she was nasty to him. I could see this happening, she isn’t always kind with her words. Later that night, Calaila came back briefly and was very skittish. She said she thought her life was in danger from Rusty as he has whispered something to her on his way out. She gathered her things and took off, saying she would see us in the future.

Then a bit of humor occurs. A stupid septon comes onto the ship claiming that he heard Jardon is dying. He instructs Thomas to gather the crew on board, so he gets Summer from the lower decks. He starts his prayers to my protestations. Jardon also talks over him confused as I had told him he was getting better. Gary is barking and Summer goes to get him from the top deck.

Later, I am still down tending Jardon when Teddy and Darron arrive back. They hurry into the room and tell us that Calaila is dead. We immediately start talking about her movements over the last day. I fill them in on my memories.

When the stablegirl asked why the maester was collecting so much driftwood I almost laughed. If she intends on spending time around Thaddeus she better get used to confusion.

Why indeed does the Maester do any of the things he does? Why is he always writing in his books? Why does he need dragonglass so badly? Why does he tie so much paper to birds? Why will he never let me borrow his razor? Why does he wear all those robes in the heat of the summer? Why does he argue with SER DARRON, DRAGONSLAYER about what is and isn’t a fucking dragon’s head? Why won’t he let me teach him how to use a sword? Why does he like spending so much time with Jardon lately? Why does he like dogs so much?

The wood was apparently a pyre for the girl – we know that now – but why so large? Why does it still smell like it’s burning? It’s the middle of the bloody night! Why does my head hurt? Why do I have to piss so badly? I climb out of my bunk and pass Dollin’s cabin. It’s quiet. I pass Jardon’s cabin. The door is open and the young archer is snoring on the floor. In the moonlight I see someone’s drawn on his face with charcoal. I rub my forehead. Charcoal too. Shit.

I haul myself onto deck, grunting. Why do the gods make you feel so old? I shuffle towards the rail but notice a figure on the beach. Why is Thaddeus still out on the shore this late? Why is he holding up that blade? Why is he cutting off his fingers!?

Seven hells! There truly is no understanding that Maester. The stable girl is gonna have to learn that. He’s either too wise for us, or else fully mad.

Ya see, the Paps is essentially the closest point in Westeros to Braavos. And ya know what else is in Braavos? One – ships, two – sellswords, and three – probably a Targaryen or two. Now I know what they’re saying: “Robert Baratheon took his big ole hammer and squashed out the last of the dragons like a toad under a wagon wheel” and yeah, that’s sort of true, but here’s the thing about claims to thrones, now don’t tell your parents I’m saying this on account of it being kind of crude and that you’re their heir but I believe you need to see the reality of the situation. The thing about claims to thrones is that they’re like dicks – half of everyone has one, just most don’t go waving them around all over. You know? Take this for example: have you ever heard of the nine penny kings war? Did the Maester ever tell you what that was about? Well forget what you heard cause Ser Darron was there. Yeah, I was pretty green back then – didn’t know a mace from a mellon – but I had a horse and a spear and was ready to fight this Blackfyre pretender myself; more like march around getting sunburnt for two years. Never really did see much action, but I learned how to say “Your mother wrestles bears in Tarth” in two languages – three if you count Dornish. My point is that there was a whole separate family of Targaryans. Bastards sure, but that didn’t stop ‘em from trying to get that throne and there’s probably a thousand more bastards out there just the same. So what do they do? Go buy some sellswords and invade the Paps. Now you’re getting it. Sure, it’s a dinky little island, but Targaryens love that kind of thing for some reason. You’ve heard of Dragonstone, right? Lost some good men rooting those cunts out of there. It basically came down to me at the end, you know. Now I don’t want credit for it, but I’m sure you’ve heard the songs, I was there against Ser Alyn – a knight in the real old style – size of the front half of a horse and they say he hardly speaks. But he looks at me and says “Ser Darron, we meet at last” then flips his visor down. I draw my blade and it’s unforgettable single combat. Me and him trading blows. Jardon firing bolts into his back. cling! klang! I fake high but go low and it’s over. The point is there’s a reason they didn’t call it Dragonland. It’s a dinky little island too like the paps. So, my reckoning is that they invade here and hope nobody notices which is pretty reasonable because, have you seen the place? Ho Ho Ho! But really, M’lord they invade here and maybe build a castle and it’s called a foothold in warfare which is a piece of land where you start your invasion. That’s what Maelys Blackfyre was trying to do in the stepstones is establish a foothold. Or could be a toehold which is the military term for a smaller foothold. You see I’ve been educated too, OK sure I can’t write letters or name six types of soups, but a true knight knows a thing or two. And my prediction is that they’ll start dressing like Eleshams and coming over to the fingers and before you know it the Vale is going to be full of swordsmen right under the nose of Lord Arryn. Problem for them is that they don’t know that we know that there are two sure fire ways to spot a Braavosi The first is that they always use skinny swords because the ones that we got are too heavy for em and the second – and Tito taught me this, may he rest in peace – now don’t tell your parents I said this either but the second is that they absolutely can not resi….
…you’re right M’lord that is the Rambis! I nearly missed it. Let’s ride in haste! I hope Dollins made it back.

The others take this fucking pile of rocks and it’s miserable people. Less honor to be found among the whole lot than a Horn Hill whore. Don’t know why I agreed to come here again.

Now the handmaiden is dead and Lord Theodore is next unless we can get to the ship before… before something… before the Woodhulls… or the Eleshams?… thieves maybe?… Think Darron, you dolt!

I hope Jardon is in fighting shape. I don’t suppose we’ll be able to talk our way out of this one, else Calalia would’ve.

I’ve always hated these situations: men trying to bully each other with words. It’s dishonorable, and unchivalrous, and confusing.

I watch Ralph speaking and find my hand on the pommel of Victorinox. I survey the room: four of them, three armed. A plan begins to form. I’ll take them unaware. The thief first – and quickly – then engage the knights. Will the Lordling and Bard join the melee? Yes, I think.

We’ll fight our way out… Escape before the watch can be alerted! Sail neither south nor west (as they’d expect) but rather to Essos! Dock perhaps in Norvos where the name Tito Alfah holds sway and join up with a company of mercenaries.

The band from Jasper will laugh and fight under that new sun. Against any foe our blades will sing and the east will know the valour of Westerosi knights. Ho Ho!

We’ll all grow thick moustaches and sit atop a mountain of riches; made of equal parts gold, women, dragon eggs, and wi….

I realize that everyone is looking at me… expecting me to speak… I choke but eventually say some half-truth to James. He frowns and seems…. affected by it?

Have I done it? Struck him with words alone? Darron the Wise! Ho Ho! Darron the Cunning!

I can’t wait to tell the handmaiden and farmer about this! They’ll have a good laugh!

The Reach then, the Fingers now. Two different lives to be sure. Down there I was a tournament knight, fought in the Ninepenny Kings war, had a family too. I’d think that’s enough action for two lifetimes! But ever since getting to these damned northern fells it’s been one mess after another. The clansmen, the barghast, Rancis, Ogden, the Trident, the slavers, northern treachery, and eastern dragons. Even Barristan the Bold should have seen himself killed 4 or 5 times after it all! But here I am still kicking like a Dornish ass!

Have I fallen into the grace of the Seven? Does the Father guide my step? Or is it something more?

Old Naan used to tell tales of Garth the Green and other heroes. Legends who lived for hundreds of years and did great deeds. Used to think that was all a folly, but lately I’ve been thinking different. It could be th….

Ah-THUD!

Fuck! Here I am getting distracted again. A hero? Ho! Darron, you’re just a grey old knight who daydreams too much and can’t keep his legs under him in a swell. Got lucky a time or two, but just as killable as any man with more guts than agility.

Well, no sense getting up. Lets see if the ol’ hero of Snownook can put another arrow in this sea creature before it pulls Jardon over. He doesn’t look to be putting up much of a fight. Maybe this gal is one of his salt wives he’s always going on about! Ho Ho!

When we arrive back home, I quickly hand Teddy the invitations I had been working on during our sea voyage. Teddy hands them out, much to the boy’s surprise! Jardon seems unsure. Calaila and I wait back for Jeyne who is super duper pregnant… Whelp, my plan of hiding her little bump has disappeared. She does seem excited though! We meet her uncle who wants this wedding to happen ASAP and we get to work!

We end up sending Raella out to get a septon for the next day’s festivities. Jeyne seems disappointed by the quality of her chambers. Later that day, a white raven arrives for me… Summer has now ended and it is Autumn. In the morning, Raella knocks on my door and lets me know the septon will not come. I race to find Calaila and we agree I should disguise as the septon to get these lovebirds hitched!

At the wedding, I believe I perform my duties expertly. I ask Jardon for the customary fee for the wedding and he rejects me. Darn it. Thought I could get a little something for the risk of dressing like this religious fool! On the way out, Lord Ronnel calls me over. He has recognized my voice. He asks if Jardon knows and I say I don’t believe so. He says to keep it that way and I go back to change.

When I arrive back, Dolins sings a lovely song for the couple. I sit and chat with him after and he expresses fear that I was dressed as a septon. He lets me know that he lost his wife during childbirth that a septon attended and since then he has been really afraid of religious folks. I am glad he has shared this with me. I have noticed his fear but he has never told me before!

The next day, I decide to decipher the rhunes on my shield I’ve been carrying around! It is in the old tongue of the first men and states “By the grace of the Gods this shield will protect the Bronze Kings from the night and from the children until the end of time”. This seems to be from House Royce back when they were kings. The Children must be the Children of the Forest and the night may be either the long night or something else? I am not positive.

Darron comes to see me and has a snake head. He states that it is a flightless dragon and was curious if I could tell him about it. I inform him that it is for sure a snake and that I have no use for it but that he may be able to sell it to the alchemist guild in King’s Landing.

Teddy then comes to me and asks if I am willing to join in on the investment as I had expressed interest. I agree and I give him 50 dragons.

It is February in the year 286. A delegation from House Lynderly has arrived and we are all gathered to listen. Lord Ronnel hands the floor to Lord Lynderly who states that there is a grievance with House Thorne. He states that he is looking for 75% share in Carsen’s tin mine. The argument goes back and forth but finally Lord Ronnel states that the Lynderly need to give up their lands to Carsen’s mine. The Lynderly storm our.

Lady Elyse firmly states that we have not heard the end of this. She states that we need us to sail for Woodhall to gather up support as she believes we are to be attacked. Carson also suggests the Corbrey’s to help us and she agrees. We pack up and head out.

On the boat, we have all been relaxing and taking time for ourselves when I hear a shout from above deck… What now. I had just gotten to a great chapter in my book! I sigh and put the book down.

An ill-advised speech for Jardon’s wedding:

I’ve known Jardon well for 5 years now and have considered us friends for the past several weeks. Together, we’ve ranged through the seven kingdoms and across the narrow sea. Side by side slain hundreds of foes with great skill. I’ve watched him dispatch men who are crying on their knees and pick dragons out of the sky like seagulls.

But that is neither here nor there. What is here is the Oakheart lady. Jeyne. (Whispering to Carson: Jeyne, right?)…. Jardon has truly had a twinkle in his eyes since meeting her – especially the tin one. She, in turn, has really brought out the best in our Jardon. Or at least has the potential to. There are definitely some things in there that are ready to come out. But umm… what a great ceremony. We even found a septon! How lucky is that? I mean without a septon, it’s not a marriage.

Anyway… May the two of you have a long happy fruitful marriage. May the Mother bless you with many children. And the warrior with many victories. Please raise your tankards to celebrate this new union.

As we hear the voice yelling from outside, I hide a bit behind Dolins. A soldier at the door looks out and after a few seconds, he falls back, obviously dead! Another man barracades the door and we hear “Remus, we know you are in there, we can wait.”

At this, I decide to start looking into rooms for this Remus. What I am going to do, I have no idea. I sneak up to one window and see a man on a dark horse. I crawl back out of the room and head back down to my friends. Teddy and Dolins and I decide to investigate upstairs. We see a man named Jasen in the hall. We quickly look in his room and see another man in heavily clad armor. He seems very on edge. His name is Godfrey.

In another room is a man named Ned who yells that he wants to be left alone. Another man sounding very sick is in the next room. Next is an empty room, then a room with a woman who has barricaded the door. In another empty room, Dolins looks out the window and yells to a man on the horse. He asks what Remus looks like and the man states he does not know but Virgil, the man up front knows.

The next room is locked and Dolins picks the lock. In there, Teddy finds a partial set of armor and proceeds to snatch it. In another room, Dolins finds some Greycap and kindly gives it to me. We then head downstairs where Teddy is yelled at for having stolen a man’s armor. After some silly fighting, he gives it back.

Calaila yells to the man outside and asks who Remus is so we can help He says he owes a debt. He describes him as blonde with blue eyes. There is no one with that appearance in the room and Calaila tells the man this and asks what he would have us do? He yells that he would have us do nothing.

Teddy then orders himself and myself two ales and we go behind the bar to look for a man fitting the description. We see a man back there take the back door, and he is quickly downed as soon as he exits…

Calaila then gets the keys from the inn keep and we head back upstairs. We get into Ned’s room and find nothing. Next is the coughing man. He fits the description…. I offer him my help as he is has an obvious case of consumption. In the hall, we discuss what to do. I suggest we see what his side of the story is and I will treat him.

And so, war was ruled out as too foolish and risky. We did not have the troops or support of other houses to achieve our goals through pure military means. So, we decided to take a different approach to revenge on the Linderlys They cannot be allowed to steal my mine, nor house jaspers animals. So, we shall kill the Linderly poachers, steal their garb, and attack the Corbray’s livestock and troops to win them to our side. With the might of Coldwater burn on our side the craven Linderlys don’t stand a chance.

After we leave Lady Arwyn’s house, we head on the sea road north. We first come across a traffic jam of sorts! There are two wagons stopped in the road talking to soldiers. Calaila asks what is going on and we find out that the Crakehall’s are taking toll. Dolins pays for the wagons as we jumped the line and we move on. We reach Crakehall itself shortly after and decide to spend the night. We meet with Lord Roland and he apologizes for the toll. He states that their silver mine has dried up and they are in great need of money. He needs to sink a new mine. Teddy asks if the Lannisters have helped them sink a new mine but he states he wants this kept a secret as he knows Lord Tywin would look down on his house if they had not enough money to sink the new mine.

Teddy then asks how much it costs to sink the mine and how much it produces. He states at the peak, the old mine was producing 400 dragons worth of silver a month. After this, we go back to our rooms to sleep.

The next morning, Lord Roland comes out to say goodbye. I jump in and offer to chip in up to 1/3. Teddy asks for 50 gold dragons a month once it is up a running. They go back and forth and agree on Teddy getting triple his investment back in one year. Seems cheap to me…

We continue on to Lannisport. On our way, we pass an inn that seems to be hosting a party. We make our way inside. A man has decided to buy rounds for the whole tavern for the evening. I settle in and listen to the crowd around. Most is idle chatter but I do hear one woman say, “Heart him say to thank The Duke for the drinks”.

Right after this, we hear a shout from the front door of the inn. They shout, “Remus, we are here for you…..”

I’ve been waiting for a bit for my friends to arrive. I’ve been so excited to see them all, but mostly Dolins, my dear friend. I’ve gotten the three of them some little trinkets to show how much they have been missed! I wait within the citadel, continuing my studies. Finally I get notice they have arrived! I head down to meet them in the foyer. I greet them and give them their gifts. For Teddy, a fine dagger. For sneaky Calila, a vial of Greycap, though I caution her to use it wisely. And for dear Dolins, a flute to add to his musical kit!

After a quick hello, I tell my friends to wait outside for me. I head up to see Marwyn. I thank him for his time and education and ask for a book to further my education. He thinks about it for a bit, seeing as he is very protective about his books, but he agrees based on my trustworthiness with the whole, Qyburn thing… He agrees to lend me “The Elder Children” by Arch Maester Kenneth, but he states he would like it back. I promise I will send it back as soon as I am finished with it. I thank him again and he reminds me, “Open ears, open eyes, open mind”. I promise to live by this and head back to meet my friends.

We head to the Quill and Tankard for a drink! There we do some catching up, though Calila is strolling about the tavern. Dolins and Teddy fill me in that they have had some awesome adventures in Valeria! There was one casualty but otherwise, everyone looks decent, despite missing my healing abilities. Teddy confides in me that they brought back a dragon’s egg! I almost shout in excitement. I cannot wait to see it in person! Dolins also hands me a dragon’s tooth! He has told me he wanted to have it fashioned into a weapon but he isnt sure it is going to be of much use. He asks what I know about them and I let him know that there is folklore about the properties of the dragon but from what I have read, they have all been debunked. I tell him I need to write to Marwyn when we get to Snownook and check as he would know more. Dolins gives me the tooth to hold on to.

Teddy then invites a darker complexioned man to come sit with us. He states he has lived in Oldtown for many years doing oddjobs. He states his name is Dell, but his real birthname is too difficult for most to say. He chats with Dolins about his barding and offers to let him perform, but Dolins declines.

Teddy then asks if Dell knows of a woman named Terry, a missing servant from our house. Dell states he doesn’t know and that we would have a hard time finding Terry and her daughter in such a large city. Teddy states their connection to Rusty, aka The Duke, and Dell is familiar with him, though he states he has moved north to Lannisport. He is not sure what he is doing up there but he moved north about a year and a half ago.

He asks if we would do him a favor and deliver a package to Lannisport on our way. He and Teddy talk back and forth about this package but it ends up that he states he will just take it himself on his next trip. And after this, we have another round and chat more about adventures we have all had!

“He yielded, and you killed him anyways”. Yeah, of course I fucking did you ingrate, who knows if that hulk of man was going turn on you during that fight, or if he was even going to do anything. Just standing there, not having to do anything, because he’s just so big. I’ve come across men like him before, and they would rather just watch the world burn…..I did the fingers a service, who knows what this hoodlum was really going to do. I don’t care if he fucking yielded, he was basically cooked anyways. Darren took care of most of that hacking anyways…..

When I heard our very own ironborn was going to play captain and own the ship I almost wished to be back on the Broke Blade headed for the slave bay. A career of slavery would be long however, and I figure our present journey guarantees glory or death within the year. So I decided to accept these affairs based on their limited length. Surely though, of the seven hells, at least one must be a lifetime of taking orders from Jardon! Ho Ho!

To my surprise however, he’s been less maddening than usual; even friendly. In fact, he agreed that I should be the first mate (which is a seaman’s term for co-captain). It truly makes a man question what kind of land we’re in.
 

Calalia the schemer…

Calalia the two-faced…

Calalia the deceitful, dishonest, treacherous, self-serving social climber…

…or, at least that’s what I thought before we became acquainted with each other on the Broke Blade. Turns out that she’s a proper sensible lass who loves a good game of King’s Goblet!!
 

What a wonderful and relaxing weekend I had on the Arbor. Eddin, my elder half-brother, was able to take a couple of days off from the family business to do some fishing off the coast. Eddin had noted how Bodrin had been working long hours at night, and thought he might be meeting with some shadier people late at night. I assured him, it was probably nothing and he was just tired from working so hard. Bodrin was probably just getting some late night "tail", that's all, or more likely obsessing over the ledger. Sibling quarrells aside, it was nice to spend time with family, at least for a little while….at the very least it was nice to not have to hear another fucking "one-eye joke". 

Speaking of those idiots, I knew I had to meet up with them in Goldengrove to retrieve our other ward, but had no idea I would be stepping into shit at the gate. I arrive and am immediately greeted by a bunch of guards, who upon seeing the cat sigil on my armor, see to spitting in my presence. How rude…..if I weren't on house business and Carsen hadn't come slithering out the castle doors, I might slit both their throats. 

Carsen, as well as the Maester and the ugliest version of Darren I have yet seen, proceeds to tell me the lady we are supposed to retrieve is headed off to Uplands to be wed to some Lord Mulledroad. What a stupid name….there's no way the lady would want to marry into such a stupid sounding family. 

Better still, I think this would be a good chance to prove to Lord Ronnel that I should still be master at arms, and not baby barron. A quick aside, worst disguise ever, any brain-dead farmer from the reach would still be able to tell that it was Darren Brewlan. I would say it took a few years off his look, but at the expense of his masculinity…..bahahahahaha

Anyways, we weren't able to secure the Lady, which foiled my plan to get into the Lord's good graces. Even though we were able to steal potatoes from these blokes before, we couldn't best the guards in combat. Carsen's fault, we would've had them if he hadn't given up……

From the Southern lowlands, to the Vale’s heights.
Ser Darron beats, all other knights.
He grabs his lance, they wet their pants.
Ser Darron’s the greatest knight there is.

At Robert’s tourney, he sent men flying.
Ser Lyn Corbray, was sent home crying.
The Blackfish fought, but t’was for naught. 
‘Cause Darron’s the greatest knight there is.

Sangor Claygin, met with brutality.
Though Sangor won, it was just a technicality.
Darron would’ve won, if he had felt like it.
Ser Darron’s the greatest knight there is.

Yep. That’s the song I proposed to the bard I met in the tavern yesterday. I wouldn’t be too surprised if people start hearing that little diddy around town pretty soon. He said that for five silver he’d touch up the lyrics a bit and spread my reputation far and wide! Ho Ho!

(7/11/19)

As we are leaving Goldengrove, we catch up with Jardon who has finally made it back to our group! We explain what is going on and I suggest that we all head home. Barron/Darron backs me up and agrees to get out of there fast. Carsen of course argues with us. So we settle that Darron and I will head back home, Jardon and Carsen can gallivant off like idiots to try and capture this ward.

Once we decide, the lord of Goldengrove comes out and yells to his guards to shut the gates! I make it almost all the way there on Gonzo. Barron's mule got through first and fastest surprisingly. After a few moments, we all make it through, but just barely.

Barron/Darron and I head back home after splitting with Jardon and Carsen head south to chase after the ward. On the road, we see Ser Perrin and a boy! Perrin states that Teddy sent him on this journey and I recognize the boy as Danny, the boy from the inn that we had retrieved and he was given sanctuary in Snownook. He is now going to be returned to his father, The Duke, in oldtown. We chat with them for a bit, they warn us about some farmers coming to blows on the road ahead, and then we part ways.

(6/26/19)

We are to venture out to gather our ward, Berta Rowan, but right before we head out, a raven arrives at dawn for Lord Jasper. It is from Lady Elesham, she has discovered that Ella stowed away with us and she is asking for her quick return. I read this to the group and then Carsen tries to steal it from me! He trips and falls instead and then growls at my dog to intimidate it. I really don't understand this man.

We discuss and argue but after a bit, we agree to go tell Lord Jasper. As we discuss with him, we all settle on that we should keep her if she would like to stay as she is an adult and made this choice. We tell Ella that she needs to write a letter now to her mother to explain her actions.

Darron also pulls me aside to discuss disguising him before we set out. He will be called Barron and has decided to dress as a red priest. I tell him a bit about the religion to help cover his disguise.

We then travel for several months to Goldengrove. It is a beautiful place. As we approach, a sentry yells out for us. Carson tries to tell him we are from house Thorne, as he apparently thinks he is the leader of the group. I then whip him with my chain and argues he is the leader of the party. The sentry tells us we should meet with their septa.

We ride in and our horses are handed off. We then meet with Septa Selyse. She officially welcomes us. Carsen starts his yapping again and states he is there to collect our ward. The septa states we can meet with Lady Bethanny tomorrow. I ask that she acquaint the lady with our plan to collect our ward and leave tomorrow and she states she will during evening prayers.

The next morning, we have a wonderful breakfast and wait in the solar. Septa Selyse enters followed by Lady Bethanny. We argue that we need to take our ward now and this argument devolves. The septa and lady then run out of the room. The doors open again and the lord enters followed by 10 guards. He seems to recognize Barron, but then calls him Jeremy? That was a close call!!

The lord states that the obstruction and delay was part of his plan to gain another day. His daughter is on the road to be wed! She is on the way to the Uplands to marry the heir of house Mullendore. Barron states that the hand of the king will be greatly displeased. Carsen threatens that he will be back to get him, spits on the floor, then walks away. Barron follows this with stating the fire god will put a hex on the house, he adds to Carsen's spit on the floor, then stalks off. I shrug, throw my hands up and walk away as well. Outside Barron/Darron states we should just take another random child and I argue we should go home.